Our favorite online classifieds stores are full of listings to make you keel over and die laughing... or simply dial the psychiatric hospital's number to get the seller some much needed help. 1. Rollerblades, one of a kind edition
2. House, 3 meters sq. on 1,300 meters sq. of land.
3. Husband for an hour
"Perform all sorts of house jobs (furniture, plumbing, etc.). Not picky. Can work under any conditions. If I have a beer, the quality of work goes up. Best not to give any money upfront, only upon completion - I could piss it all away and continue to bullsh*t you for a while (there were times in the past, but I always got caught and returned the entire sum). Give me a call!"
4. Antique chair
"200 rub. An amazing antique chair (from around the 1950s), rustic/village style (chalet), wood... The condition is poor, up for refurbishment, if you're into retro or antique loft-style furniture. Delivery can be discussed at your own cost."
5. Ex-girlfriend's panties
"42-44 (s)... We broke up :( She won't take em' back. Need the money."
6. Whiskered monster
"Selling my cat! No pedigree, not vaccinated, doesn't know how to do anything. Sadly already neutered, or I'd cut his balls off myself! Reason for selling: the little monster comes with a huge cost. I just bought myself a new SONY Bravia Smart TV, 48", which survived on pure faith for 4 hours! The moment the cat was left one on one with the device, he f*cking knocked it over.... Buy the cat, or I swear I'll stuff an HDMI cable up its ass, perch him on the TV stand, play GTA 5 and watch movies in high definition."
7. Stuffed fox
"The fox is almost new. Only used 2-3 times. No traces of usage. Recommended for housewives, sports accountants and lovers of tango."
8. Galaxy S3 smartwatch
"Selling my [Samsung] Galaxy. The large screen isn't too comfortable on the wrist."
9. Meteor from space (New)
"Meteor from space. New. 10,000,000 rubles. Weighs 532gr., mint condition. Glows in the dark. Not advisable to get if you have a cat. Mine packed up and moved to another room, and has been quiet and secretive ever since. As for me, I suddenly picked up the piano and harmonica. Wife suddenly lost 4kg and quit smoking. Old friends suddenly started calling up again wanting to hang out. The apartment has become noticeably warmer. We also keep watching melodramas in out sleep - there might've been popcorn even. And yesterday a traffic cop pulled me over, gave me a 500-ruble note.
Will exchange for a 3-bedroom apartment or a chalet in Switzerland."
10. My brother, for a new caring family
"100 rubles. Knows how to use the litter box. Castrated and vaccinated. Answers only to "Sery! (You can use the computer now)." Reason for selling: really starting to get on my nerves. Constantly hungry - which is the biggest con for me. Account number: 41001710997667... if you're not gonna buy, please, at least send a little money, whatever you can spare, 10 rubles is fine."
BONUS ITEM: Horse
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